I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
bring money and cleavage
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
