You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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