did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
