I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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