everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
