I should be sponsored by Trojan
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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