PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Girls should come with a carfax report
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
