did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
