I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Randomize
