I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
