i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize