remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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