So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize