clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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