either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Randomize
