my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
