he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Randomize