thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
