his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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