Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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