so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
