I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
