I want to make a zoo with you.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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