Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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