you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
