You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
