I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
