just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
