Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
