she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
