i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
is this the sara with the beer cane?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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