I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
