butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
