we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
OPIZZABONMYDICK
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
