I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
