There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
