You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
