Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
