i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
