Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Randomize
