She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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