so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
that may or may not have been my penis.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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