I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
