Apparently you make a good broom.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
