how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
