whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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