please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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