You kept calling me your small dog last night.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
