Define "chronic" masturbator.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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