To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
