I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize