if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
