its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
