kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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