How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Dicks are not precious.
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