I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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