I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
