My hand turned me down
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
