great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
