dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
