I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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