Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
