you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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