WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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