I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
