i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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