A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
She's the barista slut.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
