Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I haven't been this sober since birth.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
