i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
