she was so not down for the gang bang
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Small penises have feelings too.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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