you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
