I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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