i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
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