If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
