No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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