there was a trapeze. enough said
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
i drank out of a bidet.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
