so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
